Yesterday (now two days ago because it has taken me that long to finish this) I started the dreaded AC chemotherapy along with my regular immunotherapy (Keytruda). It was/is pretty bad. I’m able to control the nausea pretty well with medication, but I feel absolutely horrible. It is like the worst motion sickness, combined with headache, joint/bone pain, extreme fatigue and neuropathy in my hands and feel. This round there is the added bonus of sharp pains shooting under my fingernails. Good times.

Before going in, the red drip, and during treatment:

This is the first time that I’ve felt such an instant reaction to the medication. I went in determined to have a good experience but instantly got sick. The nurses were concerned because my color drained and I started shaking. Boy, was I glad to have my chemo quilt yesterday!

Today I didn’t feel any better, but I know that this too shall pass. I was talking to my son, and he said to focus on the glimmers of hope. Small steps… progress… days when I don’t feel so bad. That is good advice, because looking at the next year stretching out in front of me is daunting.

I never would have imagined posting such unflattering photos of myself online. But I want to keep it real here. I’m documenting this for my kids, for the future. If I look bad, I guarantee that I feel worse. I’ve cried so much in the last two days I don’t have any tears left. I’m learning to let go and feel the feelings, cry when I need to and pull myself back up.

Maybe someone else diagnosed with TNBC will find this and know that they are not alone. It is a rough road for sure, but easier when traveled together.